Foundation Cracks
This blog post was made in 2002, but the points are still valid today
CFCMI Fatal Flaws
My wife and I withdrew our participation in, and support for Christian Fellowship Ministries in May 2001. I had joined when I was 18, left when I was 34; she also joined at 18 and left at age 29…our entire adult experiences at the point we left were deeply intertwined in CFCMI. That will never change.
Our approach to the decision to leave was very serious and difficult. We considered it for several months and did our very best to do everything we could to make sure that: (1) we were doing the right thing, and (2) that we did it in a way that was not driven by emotion, spite or malice, but honesty and sincerity toward all parties involved. In retrospect now, we are both completely satisfied by our decision and are certain that, whether or not we did it in the best possible way, deciding to leave CFCMI was absolutely the right thing to do.
We have done our best to get on with a “normal” life and have been happier as individuals and a couple than we have ever been our entire lives. However, 26 years of combined life experience does not simply disappear, particularly when it is fraught with such intensity. Any present or past members of CFCMI I’m sure understand this. To ignore the past and “just get on with things” would not be being honest with ourselves and would flat out deny reality…deny who we are as persons.
So to me, the challenge then becomes, how will we address this situation and deal with the issues that are bound to arise? I expect that, to varying degrees, this question will ever be before us the rest of our adult lives, and that’s OK. I can see that it will continue to inhabit occasional dreams, my secret thoughts, our intimate discussions…and influence to some extent how I look at just about everything (and it will for some time).
Thus, I have decided that one of the very best things for me to do is to try to understand the entire experience, without allowing myself to become consumed with the pursuit. Just give it careful, prayerful thought when it tends to occupy my mind (like tonight). When I feel moved to address anything in particular or see a need in someone else’s life that I think I might be able to help satisfy, then after careful thought and prayer, I’ll try my best, again, to do the right thing.
This is how I am presently dealing with my CFCMI experience. I can’t fully speak for my wife, partially because I’m presently deployed and we pretty much haven’t seen each other in about 4-5 months, and partially because how we each REALLY deal with it (deep on the inside) is probably one of the most personal and unique things about every one of us.
So, now I’m just speaking for me.
Now to the Topic Line of this post (I’ll try to make this logical). In coming to grips with the questions of “How could all of this happen?” and “What can I learn from this?” I have come to a few very solid (in my mind, at least…I’m sure MANY will disagree) conclusions. Two of them jumped out at me in the first couple of months and I feel comfortable enough to share them here with you. I’ll just call them “Fatal Flaws 1 and 2”. I call them fatal because I think they are among the reasons CFCMI will never be a healthy Christian organization.
Let me first say that I believe that it’s OK to honestly and sincerely question people (including religious leaders). In fact, God encourages us to do it throughout the Bible. I’m not going to get into a Bible study about it, but that’s what I believe.
Flaw #1: Those in true CFCMI leadership have each individually demonstrated a severe lack of personal integrity.
- First of all, my personal definition of “Integrity” is “doing the right thing, even when nobody’s looking”. It could also, in a religious sense, be defined as “doing the right thing when you’re only accountable to God, and no one else (i.e., in your conscience)”. Now the flaw: I believe that for anyone to have reached an authoritative position of leadership within CFCMI on an organizational level (which I am specifically defining as the International Board, and all local Senior Pastors, with the possible exception of those overseas), they had to meet one all-important criteria: acceptance of L. R. Davis’ activities (e.g., “Buying into the family secret”). LR was very shrewd and I’m certain he wouldn’t have allowed people to rise to that level if he wasn’t absolutely certain of their allegiance, either through physical submission or explicit verbal contract (probably with well-understood conditions). This acceptance, to me, represents a very deliberate decision on each individual’s part to compromise his or her personal character to a phenomenal extent. For a leader, I think this is an irreparable crack in their individual foundations. They may be nice, decent people with some problems, like us all, but without integrity (and I’m not asking for perfect integrity here…), they are simply not fit to lead. Especially not to lead an organization that is all about honesty and integrity. I’m not talking about repentance and forgiveness; I’m talking about leadership characteristics. Thus, in my view, by the very fact an individual in CFCMI leadership has risen to that level, I believe they are in no way fit to lead.
Flaw #2: The Pastors in CFCMI have absolute authority with no downward accountability.
I have made this point to many of you before, and it was one of my main disagreements with Pastor Paine when my wife and I sat down for 5 hours with him in his office last May to discuss our concerns. I think it’s patently obvious to all of us that this is the case. The question is whether it’s right. I have done a Bible study on the topic, and believe it’s not Biblically correct, but would like to also submit this reasoning. Every healthy organization in the civilized world has the characteristic that the leaders are accountable in very specific ways to the followers. It’s a principle of human behavior. A few quotes that come to mind are “absolute power corrupts absolutely” and “true leaders must be servants first”. I believe, among other seriously skewed teachings, this “no pastoral accountability” flaw was the principle teaching or practice that allowed LR to keep doing what he did for so long, and is at the root of any other power abuses by the pastors in general. To be fair, I must mention that the CFCMI bylaws do have ONE measure of downward accountability for the General Pastor: he can be overruled by a UNANIMOUS vote of the International Board. I, however, consider that a practical impossibility. It’s the strongest monopoly on power that I have ever seen.
Each of these two flaws, in and of themselves, I would consider fatal to the health of the organization. As long as they both exist, I don’t see how things can ever “turn around” (not to mention many other things I now have serious disagreements with…).
But, please stop now and consider the effects of combining these two flaws together. They end up being immensely synergistic in a very, very bad way. I mean, here we have leaders with absolute authority, no accountability to those they lead (who, incidentally are completely devoted to their leader) and they have already demonstrated that they have the most serious character flaw of anyone in a leadership position – lack of personal integrity. There is NOTHING…AT ALL… to hold them accountable. Not the International Board (remember, they are in the Flaw #1 category already and must be unanimous anyway), not their followers, and not their conscience (They rationalized LR’s activities, how much easier would it be to rationalize anything else?).
I simply believe that CFCMI will never, in any case, be a healthy organization. I love the people and I know their sincerity in their dedication and desires, but I CANNOT, in any way, support the leadership. It simply is fatally flawed.
Hope this made sense. Thanks for taking time to listen and I sincerely hope this helps someone, like it has helped me, to understand what those who were involved experienced.